Still Here But

My mouth is a total wreck. I've known this for a while! Had a dental cleaning today and they were like "your mouth needs an intervention." So I'll be back on Wednesday and consult with a specialist in gums and bones.

I've been bad. So many things I do that are bad for my mouth. This isn't a new development for me. Fifty-five years of neglect. But for the first time in a while I think I'm actually going to be around for a little while, and maybe, possibly, enjoy it.

I would like another fifteen years, relatively healthy. I'd like to die with a view of some kind of body of water.

While I haven't been suicidal recently, and haven't been thinking that I'd be better off dead, I have just been sort of passing time. Having something that gives me a sense of urgency isn't a terrible thing. I have music to record, cartoons to draw, game to program, games to play. It took a while to get things fixed enough that I want to be still around for a while longer.

I have been watching my caloric intake. I will get something livable worked out with my teeth. But I've been sort of spinning the wheel around configuring equipment, thinking that if I an hit on the right combination of tools I'll have an explosion of creativity. I think it's not the tools right now as much as the will. It is that sense of urgency.